Giving Birth to Yourself Through the Dark Night of the Soul
We've all been there before, that heart shattering expanding and uncompromising experience that is referred to as the dark night of the soul. Many of us believe this is a one time only type of event and it is challenging to realize that it is not. It is a continuing process that the Divine provides us over and over again, to break us and our patterns, and to annihilate our “negative” ego. After going through this once, the idea of it possibly happening again is not a pleasant one, but it does get easier with experience. It's a bit like childbirth, once you've had your first baby, your body has an idea of what is happening and you are able to surrender into the experience faster, generally making it an easier and less painful event each time.
Image credit: by Autumn Skye - Shelter For Opening
The tricky part with the dark night of the soul is you are actually giving birth to yourself. As you move through the agonizing pains of labor, you are also at the end of the table coaching and hopefully comforting yourself, as you are preparing to deliver yourself from the darkness of the womb. What is birthed through this painful process is a new you, that you have created through your own healing, to move forward into the light of a new beginning and a new way of living life!
For myself I've gone through this several times and during the time I am writing this, find myself in yet another glorious round. At this point, if I were actually having babies, I'd be seriously questioning my lack of birth control responsibility. All joking aside, I can say that the first time you go through the dark night of the soul you think that you are dying, that there is no way out, and you are utterly alone. From my experience, I can say that during this time, the Divine is more present, more with you than ever; waiting for you, cheering you on, and offering you compassion when you feel there is none to be had. The only thing you need to do, to fully feel this Divine support, is to allow yourself too. The only way through this is to surrender; it is all you have ever wanted anyway. It’s just our egos making it difficult; telling us how this surrender thing should look like, that throws us off. After the first time you experience a dark night of the soul, you move beyond thinking you are dying and now know that a part of you truly is. You should also know that this major shift is a good thing.
The dark night of the soul is the uncompromising grace and answer to your prayer for awakening, to step forward into being of the highest service, and merging more and more with your soul by shedding layer after layer of illusion. The placenta represents this as do the fluids you've been breathing and quite literally shitting in. This birthing, this shedding of your skin, is a huge gift. Don't dishonor the sacredness of this healing by; running from it, stuffing it down, not going deep, not clearing what needs to be cleared, or by faking your way through it cheerfully. You will only stop the labor pains temporarily, only to have to pick them up again at a later date. The baby has to come out eventually and the longer it takes, the worse the anxiety and fear of the pain gets. Plus do you really want to keep swimming in excrement?
Now, understand, this doesn't mean you have to be somber through the whole thing. Labor pains come in waves, and a little humor in-between can help you through the next wave, just be real with yourself between contractions; do you need a little laugh, do you want water, do you need to use the restroom, do you need silence, do you need to be held? Being real in each and every moment allows your soul, the Divine, or your coach, to help and hold that space for you.
So, for those of you who have never moved through this before, there are several hints that will help your process immensely.
1. First and foremost, do not betray your own light and soul because you feel it would be easier to control when the baby comes by “forcing” labor. If you are desperately searching for ways to make this work for you, instead of simply allowing nature to run its course, I guarantee the pain will be stronger and last much longer than needed. Ask yourself the powerful questions: what does my soul want? Am I really relaxing and allowing myself to surrender? Who do I think I'm fooling? And just allow the answer to come.
2. Meditate as much as possible. Do your best to not look outside of yourself for the answers. If you absolutely must go outside of yourself for answers, don't go to person after person; choose one person, someone that has the wisdom needed to hold space with you, without trying to do the work for you. They may be able to coach you on your breath and periodically hold your hand, but in the end you have to push the baby out yourself.
3. Look at yourself, free from trying to pretend things are ok or belittling yourself. When you come across a big pattern or negative thoughts, ask yourself: How has this behavior served me? Why do I do it? What is the pay off? You can be certain that you get something out of it or you would not be doing it. We are all way too self absorbed to keep doing something again and again if it isn't feeding something in us. It looks different for each and every one of us. Observe yourself, forgive yourself, let it go, and choose a more loving action. If you've caused harm, apologize, and if there is action to offer towards that then do so.
4. Most importantly choose who you are now, in this breath, in this amazing moment. Let go of controlling the whole thing, for what you can get out of it, and shift instead, to what you can give. Again; choose who you are now, let go of controlling and replace it with allowing, and change your perspective from getting to giving.
5. Have gratitude! It makes everything easier, more positive, and more joyful.
6. Last major point is to really feel and hone in on the light that your soul is emanating out, the “new baby” as it were. Sometimes we focus so much on the things that we are clearing, that we are not honoring the brilliant new us that we are birthing. Focus on what you and your soul are creating now. It is so important and so glorious to bask in the juiciness of your own
soul.
So here is to coming out the other end; taking a glorious new and deep breath of life, opening your eyes and experiencing the light with the newness of your greater state of expanded awareness. May we all experience deeper states of surrender and grace, as we allow our souls to adorn us with the sweetness of our full light, and awaken us to loving each other more and more.
